Craving the Milk and the Refining Fire

In November of this past year, I was saved. I asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins, and to come into my heart. I was then baptized in January of this year.

I was told, “Welcome to the family,” “I am so excited for you,” “Just wait and see what happens.”

I have to admit, when I left my pastor’s office, I didn’t feel different. I didn’t feel revolutionized, I didn’t feel an urgency to share my faith. If anything, I felt fear. I wasn’t sure what this all meant, or what consequently would happen after being saved.

I have read a lot of other testimonies after being saved, and I noticed that not many people touch on that change, or shift that takes place after asking Him, and then seeking Him.

The elders in the church call it a “walk” or a “journey”. Peter describes what the very beginning of my walk felt like:

1 Peter 2:2

Like newborn babies, crave pure, spiritual milk, so that you may grow up in your salvation now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

Peter was once this new born baby, too. He was once a young man who tasted the life water of Christ. So, he started walking the walk. He followed Jesus, learned scripture, congregated with other believers, and learned by watching Jesus.

I, too, share this beginning sentiment. I, too, am just a young woman, following Jesus, learning scripture, congregating with other believers, and watching Jesus through His word, and by watching Him work through others.

The craving part is true. I found myself devouring the word of God, tearing through each chapter of the gospel, and reading Christian books and blogs. I was hungry for information, guidance, and my place on this path, a way for which to walk.

I still feel this pull to be fed every day. I wake up and I hear Him, “Be with me”. I pray and open my Bible to find the food he provides. I get other sources of sustenance through Bible groups, and attending church service. When I don’t feed my spiritual yearnings, I feel weighted down; like I’m deprived of nourishment. In order to survive and to endure this long spiritual journey, we need His food, His milk, His life water.

I think the next part of my walk is what everyone who is saved talks about; it’s the, “Just wait and see”.

The word of God gives life by nourishment, but it also gives life by regeneration: a refining by fire.

Fire is destructive, but the fire of the Holy Ghost is regenerative. A forest fire burns down and is destroyed, but if given enough time, the ashes of destruction make the soil rich with nutrients bringing forth new life: a life that springs up from underneath.

When I was saved, I asked Jesus to come into my heart, and He did: as the Holy Spirit.

Luke 3:16

John answered their questions by saying, “I baptize you with water, but someone is coming soon who is greater than I am—so much greater that I am not even worthy to untie the straps of his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.”

When I asked for Jesus, I asked for the fire. As I feed myself with the nourishment of God’s word, there is a simultaneous burning, destroying what I once knew and replacing it with truth.

1 Peter 1:7

“These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It (your faith) is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than gold. …”

One way that the Holy Spirit was been working in me to purify me is with alcohol. I am a social drinker, usually having one to two glasses of wine at the most. I haven’t been drunk since I was in college, and I know my limits now. The Bible speaks against drunkenness, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I still wasn’t quite getting the message I needed. I hit a road block. Little did I know, it was a road block I had built for myself, a block between me and my creator.

Something kept nudging at me. Drinking to get drunk is a sin, because it’s overindulgence; I get it. Not getting drunk, check. I can do that. I have been doing that for a long, long time now. Still, something wasn’t sitting right inside me. I could feel the fire burning. I felt myself being pulled to leave it—to let it go.

But, why was I so reluctant?

It is a part of my social nature. It’s what I do when my friends come over. We crack open a bottle of wine, each have a glass with some good conversation. What could be wrong with that? God, what is so wrong with that?

It wasn’t that it is wrong, it’s that I felt God pulling me away from it. What he wanted from me was obedience. He wanted me to die to my own desire.

I had to ask myself, “Why are you fighting it? If God asked you to give up French fries, you would. It means being closer to God. It’s just a beverage.”

It seems small, and maybe insignificant, but I know it is about obedience.

Peter went through the same type of trial. He told Jesus he would die for Him, but instead, denied Him three times. Peter thought he was ready to die for Christ in a physical death, but Peter wasn’t ready to die to his self, thus Jesus knew he wasn’t ready to die for Him.

There are several scriptures that reference dying to yourself and becoming anew. Here are just a few that really nestled into my heart:

Galatians 2:20

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Luke 9:23

And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.`

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old is gone, the new has come!

John 12:24

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

When I asked Jesus into my heart, I prayed, “Lord, help me be a beacon of light for my family. Lord show me how.”

He was showing me how, but was I willing to commit to the answer to that prayer?

Yes.

The Holy Spirit continues to show me how to die to my desires every day. He is making me new each morning. Together, He helps me overcome cravings for foods I don’t need. He keeps me in check in the amounts of food I intake. He helps me in terms of my patience, listening to others, serving, and giving. He guides me in morality and spiritual growth. He tells me who is in need, and from whom to distance myself. But, he only does this because I allow Him. I have to let Him work in me, on me, and through me in order for change and refinement to happen.

The Holy Spirit guides me away from sin and toward obedience. I feel this happening constantly. There is constant change in my heart.

What is it like to be saved?

It’s like being fed for hunger and drinking for thirst. It’s never ceasing from wanting more, and yearning to be closer to God. It’s wanting to make good decisions based on what the Lord says is good. It’s learning to listen to the tugs of the Holy Spirit on your heart, and saying yes to His desires instead of your own.

Being saved is like being a new born baby craving milk. Being saved is like burning down your house, and letting God build you a new one.