I feel like there are two kinds of people. People who believe that if you talk about something you will jinx it and it won’t happen. Then, there are a new wave of people who are all about manifesting what you want and speaking your wants and dreams into existence–If you believe it is already true, than it will be true!
Me? I lived a long time trying not to jinx things. But, I am also a really great example of what a walking anxiety attack looks like (a little less these days, thank God!). So, for me, I am always waiting for the shoe to drop. I sit in the lull of good things knowing and anticipating something bad to happen. In true, typical form, I would hold tight to my dreams and my goals not telling anyone but a select few. If I entered a contest or submitted my writing to a competition, I would keep it all to myself.
There are several levels of this, right? It’s not all about bad luck.
The first level, is yes, luck. I don’t want to jinx it. I don’t want to tell people because then the universe might smite me for thinking good things. The next level, though, is a bit deeper. It’s the level where we don’t tell people because of disappointment. We don’t want to make a big deal out of something that might not happen. We don’t want to amp up everyone in our lives just to have to tell them that it didn’t work out. Let’s face it. Loved ones are not always as loving as they think they are. They say things that sound supportive, but it’s the tone. The tone they use that sounds like a soft cushion of disappointment–it feels gritty like sand in your PB and J. Still sweet, but really harsh to chew and swallow.
Lastly, there is the disappointment that, for me, is the worst. It’s when I disappoint myself. No one is really as hard on me as I am. I am a BIG DREAMER. I always have been, and I think my family gets me by now. I am not a pipe-dreamer–I don’t have empty dreams that I never pursue. My family knows that I will be on a voyage to learn and be my very, very best until the day I die. It’s a destiny etched in my bones–it’s a drive that runs deep. I am also still that woman–you know her—the “You can’t tell me nothing” woman. That’s me. You can’t tell me I’ll fail. Maybe I will fail, but you will WATCH ME fail trying. So, if I say I am going to do something, people know that I am going to follow through. I am dependable, or at least I aim to be. When I tell people something, I like to deliver. That leads to a whole mess when it comes to feeling like I will jinx it if I speak about it. I don’t like not being able to follow through, and if I speak it, it might not happen and then I feel broken, defective, and useless.
“Speak it into existence” is a new philosophy to me! I love-hate it. I hate it because it contradicts my affirmed belief that the universe will smite me. I love it for the same reason. I think it’s more about mindset and the power of self. Whereas, the former belief was about believing the power is out of our hands and we are being toyed with by a puppet master. I like the idea of living a life where I can control my success, for the most part. I know better than to believe I have COMPLETE control. My belief in God tells me that God’s sovereignty and will for my life will reign above, and is far better than any plan I have for myself. But, I also believe that I can move forward in confidence with my plans, celebrate when I have success, but also feel confident when things don’t go my way.
It takes practice to believe that you were meant for good things when you grew up the way I did. It’s not an easy fix or a mindset I can just switch on and say goodbye to old thought patterns. But, I believe that it is better than the latter. It’s way healthier for me to live loved and cared for by myself and my God than it is to believe that something out there is always out to get me.
You, my reader, are worth living loved.
You are meant for good things.
You are made fearfully and wonderfully.
You can have good and bad–these two things can live together.
In the comments below, I want to know: Which one of these philosophies do you adopt? Do you believe in jinxes, or is it just hub-bub and poppy-cock? Do you speak your goals into existence? Have a vision board? Have a support team? Let me know below!
Have a great rest of your week, everyone!